Sunday Papers - Gold Star

I love reading the Sunday papers. I really do. For me it’s like respectable escapist fiction. No one would scoff seeing me read the Sunday Times, but I get to indulge my imagination as I read about jobs I can never apply for, homes I’ll never be able to afford, trips I couldn’t possibly take, cars I won’t buy, and clothes that I will never squeeze into.

Take for example a job posting for “Games Testers.” Now I don’t even like video games, but the only requirement is to be over 18, which I am, so technically, I qualify. Maybe my application would read something like, “As someone who hates video games because the men on the screen don’t do what I tell them no matter how much I yell, I can determine the frustration level of any game for new gamers within seconds. You will not find a more efficient tester anywhere in the current market.” Who knows, it could be fun, or it could be more stressful than my current job. Spending all day with young, male game nerds who probably shun soap like I shun stilettos may be more than my nerves and sense of smell could handle. All right, I’ll give that one a miss.

Perhaps the fashion sections offer the most mind-boggling information of any section in the Sunday paper. Last week a model was wearing £34000 worth of clothes. Now, this really gives me pause to wonder, who the hell is meant to be buying this paper (not the Times)? If any single outfit I own costs £340… well no single outfit does, including shoes and accessories. The Herald’s cheapest outfit is £134, but it looks a little like the model forgot to put on trousers. Sixties mod apparently took minimalism to the extreme. While I enjoy this element of the Lifestyle section, it doesn’t help me with my shoe dilemma. Again, it offers a bit of escapism. If I only had the money, they body, the high-heel tolerance, I too could look half dressed, but thin and young.

When I’ve finished with the recruitment pages, I spend ages scanning the property section. Why, I don’t really know. I can’t afford to move and like where I live, if not some aspects of my particular communal stair. I do like speculating how much a place will actually go for in this odd Scottish offers over system. Besides, I can plan my lottery winnings allocation. For example if I won two million on Wednesday, I could buy that six-bedroom townhouse in Bruntsfield and have change to furnish it and perhaps take a few years off work. Let’s say 30. That’s a few.

One of my favourite sections is Travel, or even better Escape. That is after all why I bought the Sunday papers, to experience a bit of a reality break. This week’s Herald magazine was really useful in fact, with a cheap – gasp – and interesting holiday to France featured. Who knows, we may go. I’ll probably not be heading to Japan’s Shimoda, featured in the Observer, but it has now become one of my “maybe someday’ destinations. Now, I've got even more opportunities to give my mind a treat during the daily, long commute.

There are a few columnists I enjoy reading, and I appreciate the restaurant reviews. Going out for dinner is something I do actually do once in a while. The food sections always have great wine buys, but other Sunday paper readers can deplete the shelves if I'm not quick off the mark. Some of the recipes look fantastic, but I'm not into that whole recipe card thing, and keeping endless pages lying about the kitchen causes some aggravation. Usually, I give it the old college try though before throwing the section out a few weeks later. Basically, the food section is a bit too useful to be much fun. I'm not going to fantasize about making risotto primavera.

One of the best things about Sunday papers is that I never finish them on Sunday. Actually, they end up lasting most of the week. By Saturday, I end up having a flick through Sports, once Reviews, Autos, Business, and the newsy bits are exhausted. It’s an interesting catalogue of priorities actually. Perhaps my section preference shows the areas of life I am looking for the most change in – job, home, wardrobe. Suffice it to say, I am glad it’s Sunday and I can get stuck into my week’s reading. Maybe this week, I’ll shake things up and read the Sports section first, that is if Graeme will swap me for Travel.